My meditation journey

I got started on meditation through the 10-day Vipassana course which took place last month at Penang Hill East. I got to know about this course through my dad, who had gone for the same course in Gambang, Kuantan a couple of months back. So when I was thinking about how to spend my April, I thought, why not sign up for this meditation course? Especially since the course is free (they run by donations) and my other options (LOB diving in Maldives or a yoga cum windsurfing retreat in Bali) would cost way too much.

Before this, I'd never experienced any form of meditation. Most people were shocked to hear this; I guess no one would expect a novice with zero background to sign up for an intensive course straightaway. I knew the course was going to be tough - no talking/interaction with another human being (aside from Q&A with the teacher), having only 2 meals (breakfast and lunch) a day, waking up at 4am everyday, dorm-style living conditions, etc. But my impetuous nature and the prospect of a challenge spurred me on to sign up for the course. I'm a firm believer that if you put your heart and mind to something, no matter how tough, you would eventually succeed. I guess that's how I managed to push myself beyond my boundaries to go trekking in Nepal, or bungee-jumping in NZ. Afterall, it's said that we should step out and do something that scares us once in a while!

Back to the meditation course, our daily routine looks something like this:

4am: Morning call

4.30-6.30am: Meditation

6.30-8am: Breakfast and rest

8-11am: Meditation

11-12noon: Lunch

12noon-1pm: Interview with the teacher or rest

1-5pm: Meditation

5-6pm: Tea and rest 

6-7pm: Meditation

7-8.15pm: Discourse (video)

8.15-9pm: Meditation

9pm: Bedtime

We spent the first 3 days practising anapana sati, the meditation on in-and-out breathing. This requires awareness of the breath, and gradually, diverting one's focus to the nose and area above the upper lip and below the nose. This progression serves to sharpen the mind and pave the way for the next step - Vipassana meditation.

From Day 4 to 10, we were taught the techniques of Vipassana meditation. The fundamental belief is that this form of meditation seeks to purify the mind and get rid of "sankaras", the cause of our misery.

"Sankara" is a manifestation of unhappiness brought about by 2 things: 1) craving or 2) adversion. For example, having an adversion to your boss may result in hatred and loathing which may trigger negative reactions. Or a craving for say, online shopping may lead to obsessive compulsive buying behaviour and a wardrobe crammed full of unworn apparel. Both examples very relevant in my case.

Vipassana meditation requires one to observe with detachment the subtle sensations generated by the body. You are not allowed to favour one sensation over the other as there are no good or bad sensations. By maintaining this practice and philosophy, new cravings and adversions will cease to form, and old sankaras lodged within the deep recesses of one's body and mind will surface and disappear. Simplistically speaking, once the mind is freed from cravings, adversions, reactions and attachments, happiness will prevail. 

The first time I became aware of the subtle sensations (in my case, it was a cooling sensation), I was intrigued...it felt like magic! That same night, as I lay in bed, I felt involuntary electric currents running up and down my arms. Over the next few days, the cooling sensation strangely disappeared, only to be replaced by a warm sensation. I hate feeling hot and found myself craving the original sensation. This was counter-productive as the craving/adversion debilitated my ability to feel any subtle sensations at all. With continued practice, I managed to maintain a balanced mind but afternoon meditations continued to be challenging, having to cope with both internal and external heat.

So what was most difficult about the course? To me, sitting upright and cross legged for an hour or more was pure torture. On Day 7, we had mandatory meditation sessions where we had to keep still and not change our posture for an hour. With some perseverance (and after experimenting with many different positions and varying configurations of pillow support), I was able to maintain stillness for 60-75 minutes each time.

Also, coping with the silence and boredom can be very tough. Despite the silence, there was a lot of "noise" in my head, but the "noise" gradually quietened down with meditation. To quash boredom, I prolonged meal times for as long as I can and worked out a routine of walking up and down the retreat grounds 10 times after each meal.

Would I recommend this course to others? ABSOLUTELY!